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The single most hilarious press release I have ever read in my entire life:

coketalk:

ABERCROMBIE & FITCH PROPOSES A WIN-WIN SITUATION

New Albany, Ohio, August 12, 2011: Abercrombie & Fitch Co. (NYSE: ANF) today reported that it has offered compensation to Michael ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino, a character in MTV’s TV show The Jersey Shore to cease wearing A&F products.

A spokesperson for Abercrombie & Fitch commented:

“We are deeply concerned that Mr. Sorrentino’s association with our brand could cause significant damage to our image.  We understand that the show is for entertainment purposes, but believe this association is contrary to the aspirational nature of our brand, and may be distressing to many of our fans. We have therefore offered a substantial payment to Michael ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino and the producers of MTV’s The Jersey Shore to have the character wear an alternate brand.  We have also extended this offer to other members of the cast, and are urgently waiting a response.”

I’m sorry, there’s nothing else I can do except laugh.

(Source: coketalk)

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Posted at 11:44 PM 16 August 2011

Coke Talk: Coke Talk of the Day

coketalk:

I just finished watching the latest episode of Jersey Shore right after watching the republican debate in Iowa, and damn, those two shit shows have surprisingly similar casting:

Mitt Romney is The Situation. He’s an untrustworthy narcissist with way more money and screen time than he deserves.

Yes!

(Source: coketalk)

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Posted at 1:41 PM 12 August 2011
This is what happens after too much tequila.

This is what happens after too much tequila.

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Posted at 12:19 AM 15 July 2011

Me: Worst case scenario, I’ll sleep in my car.
Mom: That’s crazy! Where would you park?

Sometimes my mom worries about the wrong things.

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Posted at 10:51 AM 13 July 2011
coketalk:

Dear Netflix Team,
I got your email about the price hike.
What you should have said was, “we’re charging $9.99 a month for the same service you’ve always had, and we’re gonna charge you an additional $5.99 a month for the lube we’re using to fuck you in the ass.”
May everyone who had a hand in this decision lose the ability to smell freshly baked cookies on or after September 1, 2011.
Go fuck yourselves,
Coke Talk

coketalk:

Dear Netflix Team,

I got your email about the price hike.

What you should have said was, “we’re charging $9.99 a month for the same service you’ve always had, and we’re gonna charge you an additional $5.99 a month for the lube we’re using to fuck you in the ass.”

May everyone who had a hand in this decision lose the ability to smell freshly baked cookies on or after September 1, 2011.

Go fuck yourselves,

Coke Talk

(Source: coketalk)

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Posted at 8:57 PM 12 July 2011
coketalk:

Lighting the Pipe Illustration by Jean-Léon Gérôme - c.1895
Typical fuckin’ weekend. I’m over here just tryin’ to enjoy my high. Meanwhile, a bunch of noisy douchebags reserve a poolside cabana, chip in on the cheapest bottle of vodka, and spend the afternoon trying to convince drunk bitches to come back to their hotel room.

coketalk:

Lighting the Pipe Illustration by Jean-Léon Gérôme - c.1895


Typical fuckin’ weekend. I’m over here just tryin’ to enjoy my high. Meanwhile, a bunch of noisy douchebags reserve a poolside cabana, chip in on the cheapest bottle of vodka, and spend the afternoon trying to convince drunk bitches to come back to their hotel room.

(via coketalk)

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Posted at 4:39 PM 10 July 2011

I’m missing Europe and ‘mah ladies! 

You know, sometimes I’m overwhelmed by that feeling of wanting to spend my life traveling the world, writing, and having no real responsibility whatsoever. 

Then I realize that’s just me being a lazy whiner who needs to grow up a little bit. 

I want the power career. And I want to be a nomad. And I want to spend time writing down my experiences in a way that will display my love of language, and I want it to be widely read (and not just after I die). I want to do it all, see it all, discover it all. 

As much as I’d like to just travel and not be accountable for much, I know myself very well, and I want the responsibility and to be accountable for a lot just as much as I want to be able to go spend time in other countries and absorb the culture and ideas.

As long as things stay relatively stable there, I’ll be in Lebanon in December for a few weeks then I’ll head to Istanbul, then to Syria, and maybe Greece. I mean, it has to be stable because the tickets are nonrefundable. 

Then I’ll come home and work my ass off for six more months or so and head to Australia with Keri. 

Yay for planning fantastic vacations months ahead of time! And it’s all made possible by those six to ten month brackets of hard ass work, overtime, and very little sleep. 

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Posted at 11:24 AM 08 July 2011

You ever have one of those days

When your boss orders you to do things she can do more easily since she is standing right next to the place that needs the work and you are off doing something else? Today is that day.

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Posted at 3:56 PM 07 July 2011

The stupidest thing just happened.

I’ve had my first Facebook conflict. Well, I’d call it a semi-conflict. And it amuses me that someone would take any of this shit seriously.

I recently went on a trip and bonded with someone and became closer with him. He’s gay and fabulous—who wouldn’t love him?

Anyway, one of his friends was angry that I started calling him boo boo because she’s the “only one who can call him boo boo.” 

My first thought: you’re retarded.

My second thought: you don’t own words and nicknames or people for that matter. 

My third thought: Does that nickname carry a copyright? I wouldn’t want to infringe on the genius that thought up “boo boo.” 

The straight girlfriends of gay men are fucking insane. I mean, I understand that she feels like their relationship is special and she doesn’t want anyone to come between that, but if she had an ounce of security about herself and her friendship, it wouldn’t matter. A friendship doesn’t cease to be meaningful or special just because people have other friends. 

Anyway. Just had to post up that ridiculousness. 

Cheers, ya’ll. 

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Posted at 11:46 AM 25 June 2011

I ♥ NY

coketalk:

It’s official. Gay marriage is legal in New York State.

(Source: coketalk)

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Posted at 11:07 PM 24 June 2011